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The intact shells two halves making a whole catch my eye
Balanced lightly there where the receding tide left them
Two shells open to the sky as a random pair of pairs.
Something about them is meaningful to me today.
I can only see these things in my solitude.
When I’m alone I notice all sorts of things around me
When I’m not looking inward lost in my thoughts.
This is the gift for me of being in the solo moment.
It seems I can only focus on one thing at a time.
When I’m with another and fully engaged with them
I hardly know what else is going on besides our conversation.
Today I walked past a pond and didn’t see it.
The shells are a symbol in my waking dream.
The meaning is complex, but basically it’s simple.
The symmetry of one and one makes two,
That’s the thought or feeling in the back of my mind.
Of course I love the curve of the shell and the curve of the shadow
And the way the curve changes as you move around.
That’s a sensuous experience for me.
I take a photograph to be able to enjoy what will be gone with the next tide.
And now I return to my personal self examination.
It’s been a long time in my sense of time since anyone wanted me
In the way that couples in love want each other.
And when it happened in the past, I didn’t question it.
I just happily gave over my full affection,
Unconcerned whether there was any hidden agenda,
Unsuspecting, full of endorphins from sex,
Full of hope and expectations.
Do you know, I miss that young man in love.
And I forgive him and forgive her, too,
For all the years and years out of love with each other,
Loving the children but miserably disappointed.
What would it be like to be an old man in love?
I long to feel the warm touch of another
Soothing the ache, taking the pain away,
Feeling the joy and grief of love lost and found again.
