Calooosahatchee Locale

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Payne Xmas 2014

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N is for Not Good Enough

For Uncle Charlie

When you compare yourself to others

How you are not as smart as someone

How you have not achieved as much as someone else

How you measure up as inferior

I wonder how this self-image took root

I wonder if these faults were impressed in childhood

I wonder what your brother my father took in

Growing up not knowing his own father.

I know what disapproval feels like to a child

Never good enough to hear words of praise.

I know how ready I am to hear criticism

To take it to heart that I am not worthy.

Now Wendy is compiling a dictionary

For all of us to tell you that you are a good person

Because you are a very, very good person

And we wish that you will take in our love.

Last year I wrote a poem to bring to you

For our October visit “At the End of the Day”

And we were alone when you read it

And you were moved and squeezed my hand.

I wish that you would know what that meant to me

Having a father figure show emotion and affection

Being the important person you have been for me

Able to include me in the folds of your embrace.

You have given all of us a special gift.

We feel your love fill us with approval.

You do this so effortlessly you think it is nothing

But it is everything.  It is the most important thing of all.

Hear me tell you now what you have done for me.

Charlie, I feel your gentle hand on my shoulder

And I take you with me as a presence always

Helping me to be a good person like you.

ramapo river winter solstice

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