고 송광섭

About my father’s grave

My father passed away in 1997 when I was 29 years old. I surely remember his last day and the times of suffering very seriously with liver cancer, which lasted around 3 months. I remember the awful moment of silence when I came back home and opened the main entrance of the house that was built in Korean traditional style (Han-ok). I called out to my mom but nobody answered from the inside. I remember I felt something was wrong at that moment and went into the main room fast. I realized they went out somewhere and I guessed it must be the hospital.

At that moment, I realized that my father was in the ambulance with its siren on that had passed the bus that I was in on the way home. I ran out to catch a taxi and was very nervous riding in the taxi. Once I got out of the taxi at the front of Seoul Univ. Hospital, I ran to the emergency room as fast as I could. But when I asked them about my father, they told me it’s too late and he had been taken to the mortuary of a hospital a moment ago.

I knew the fastest way to the mortuary from the emergency room. I ran down again.
Before long, I caught up with the ambulance and the ambulance stopped for me.
When I looked inside, I found my mom who was crying. I jumped into the ambulance and took off the shroud that covered my father. I could see my father’s face at last.

I cried and cried. My mom was surprised how I got.
That was the first day that I started to live without my father in the world.

Yesterday, I received an email from my younger brother telling me that my father’s grave was no longer. That means my father was cremated.
From the years around when I left Korea, my mom told me about this issue once in a while. Of course, I know and understand. So, I, my younger brother and mom agreed to cremate father. The procedures were finished without problems as we wanted.

Now, there is no more my father’s grave, but just in my mind.
My son remembers my father’s grave. I will keep making my kids not forget it.
When I called my mom, I heard that it rained a little on the day of cremating my dad.

Sometimes, I feel I took after my father about the way of making a living, acting and thinking. Maybe it’s not true or just my thinking because I don’t have many memories shared with my dad in my childhood.
But, my figure looks like my father’s figure and I can see my father’s face in my daughter’s smiling face. He is always smiling to me through my daughter’s face.

I love my dad forever. I am happy that we have the same blood. ^^

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