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In all honesty

I’ve made a mess of my relationships with women
And not done so great with men, either.
What is it with me?
I get along with myself well enough.

I enjoy the world around me.
I enjoy figuring things out.
I’m sensitive to what people are feeling
And sympathetic for the most part.

But something happens where I say the most off-putting things.
The words come out I’m not sure why.
And it’s weird enough that others keep their distance.
There’s a screw loose as they say.

It’s the elephant in the room.
I must talk about it.
I can’t ignore it like it doesn’t exist.
As they say, denial is not a river in Egypt.

Is there no hope for me pairing off again?
I’m getting less and less interested in going along
For the sake of getting along.
I’d rather keep to myself and my inner life.

I’ve met plenty who have had their own wrecks
Most who blame it all on the other person,
Many who have their financial agenda motivation,
Some who seem extra careful about taking risks.

None who fall for me.
None who sweep me away.
Is it because our hormone levels are down?
Sometimes I think I went for the archetypes.

You know, a certain pout to the mouth,
The way the eyes are set in the face,
Some way the syllables sound,
Perhaps a gesture with the hand.

No wonder it went so wrong.
Looking back I wonder what was I thinking?
I wasn’t thinking.
I was dreaming.

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Alleluia

My individual existence is temporary in the time space continuum
And yet I fear not the end as I knew not the beginning.
The perception that I exist separately is an illusion.
The breath inside me is the same breath of life that infused the ancients.

I sleep alone but I do not live alone.
I am like a cell in a living organism.
It did not begin with me. It will not end with me.
Ashes and dust, love and lust, the circle of life keeps spinning.

The genetic makeup expressed in me is human
And binds me with all of humanity.
Search back your tree and my tree to the same ancestors.
Search ahead and imagine the future hosts of our threads.

Search back and back the tree of life to the beginning
And we are one with every living creature.
And every creature is made of the stuff of the world
And everything dances as a speck in the cosmos.

Awareness of the transitory self in the universe,
How humbling. Reverence and awe belong to science
As much as to religion. False dichotomy.
Science reveals wonders truly amazing.

Look in the night sky and imagine seeing the past
When the light reaches you from some long ago millennia.
Look at the geology around you and think in geological time
What matters your individual existence except for what you leave behind?

What are the greatest gifts that will be my legacy?
You will feel my love, may it comfort you in the years ahead.
I give you ideas and a vision that it might stir your imagination.
And I give you moral values to guide you when everything changes.